thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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