i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
