My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can't put those talents on a resume
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
