My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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