3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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