After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize