No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
