There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
