im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize