She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
