she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
