Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
