Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Alive.
So much puke
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
