he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
