Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
two words...techno handjob
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
