I wish I could teleport
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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