How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
