Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize