i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
