It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're not piercing ourselves today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
