omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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