Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
