ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
