It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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