I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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