im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
