You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
