If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
