I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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