he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
