Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize