so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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