i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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