He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
