its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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