If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
