worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
