I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
