I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
