Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
