i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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