I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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