we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just had sex bonerless
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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