ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
