Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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