making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize