after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
