My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
