Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
