I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
