bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
