community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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