I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize