who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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