I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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