It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
