I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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