Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
