I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize