hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
