I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
