you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
