You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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